There’s a certain type of loneliness that comes not from being alone, but from being surrounded by people who make you feel invisible. When friends talk about the plans they made without you, the nights out you never heard about, the inside jokes you aren’t part of — it stings. And for many of us, this kind of exclusion isn’t a one-off moment, it’s a pattern.

It’s easy to brush it off. To tell yourself you’re being too sensitive, or that it’s your fault for not being more involved. But research shows the impact of social exclusion, especially among young people, goes far deeper than hurt feelings. According to a 2023 survey by YoungMinds, 81% of young people reported that feeling left out or excluded contributed significantly to their struggles with anxiety and depression. When your social circle starts to shrink or you feel like you’re constantly on the sidelines, it can seriously chip away at your self-worth.

Psychologists call this “chronic loneliness,” and it’s not just about being physically alone — it’s about feeling emotionally disconnected, even when you’re surrounded by people you know. This feeling has been linked to increased rates of depression, anxiety, and even physical health problems. A study by The Mental Health Foundation found that 88% of young people aged 16-24 said loneliness negatively impacted their mental health, making them feel less confident and more anxious in social situations.

It’s even worse when the people making you feel this way are the same people you care about the most. Friends talking about their plans while you’re sitting right there, or casually mentioning group outings you were never invited to, can feel like a punch to the gut. It reinforces the idea that you’re not really part of the group — more of an optional extra than an actual priority.

The truth is, social exclusion isn’t always intentional. Sometimes friendships naturally shift as people grow, change, and find new interests or routines. But that doesn’t make it hurt any less. It’s important to remember that your value isn’t defined by who invites you to the group chat or whose Instagram stories you appear in. You deserve to be more than a backup option.

So what can you do if you’re stuck in this situation? First, don’t internalise it. It’s not a reflection of your worth. Reach out to the friends who make you feel seen and valued, even if they’re not the people you spend most of your time with right now. Be open to new friendships, even if that means stepping out of your comfort zone. Sometimes the best connections come from unexpected places.

It’s also okay to outgrow friendships. Sometimes the people who fit your life at one stage just aren’t the right fit anymore — and that’s not a personal failure. It’s growth. You deserve to be surrounded by people who appreciate you, include you, and make you feel like you belong. You deserve to be more than an afterthought. You deserve to be someone’s first invite.

Sources:

• YoungMinds, 2023 Survey on Loneliness and Mental Health

• The Mental Health Foundation, Loneliness and Mental Health in Young People, 2023